If you’re not prepared for a full-on nuclear assault on your senses during this rant about stupid people, please shield your eyes now.
Are you tired of dealing with stupid people, and I mean the kind of stupid that makes you do a double take? I sure am. Stupid people are ruining my time more and more often, and it’s starting to grate on me. I’m thinking maybe we should install wells and DNA testers in hospital rooms, and when a baby fails the “common sense and IQ above 50” test then we should dunk them in the well to preserve the clarity of the gene pool. This is America, right? Nobody really gives all that much a shit about babies or there wouldn’t be abortion, right? So, just make a test for “stupid” and weed out the good from the bad, no? Maybe that’s just wishful thinking, but hey, you “gots to start somewhere!”
Just so you know, I’m just kidding. Dropping babies in wells, even stupid babies, is really fucked up. I’m venting here, bear with me.
So, yesterday starts out with me getting the 900th call from my local cable provider. Yes, that’s right, on a Sunday. The cockweasel, er, salesperson on the phone is telling me about all the money I will save by going to their phone service. I exlpained that not only is my number such that they can’t transfer it over to their service, but that I’ve looked into it with them and it just didn’t work out. Then I explain that I have a Magic Jack phone, which costs me $20.00 a year and has better reception than Vonage. Here comes the stupid part. The guy, after I tell him that I pay twenty bones a year, decides to tell me that I could be saving money on my phone by moving to their $24.99 a month plan due to the tie-in deals with cable and internet. I just told his ass I paid T-W-E-N-T-Y B-O-N-E-S A Y-E-A-R! Mother fucker, do you know how to do math? Seriously?
Look, I’m a salesman by trade. I know how hard it is, and that tenacity is a virtue. But honestly, if a dude tells you he’s paying $20.00 a year for the EXACT SAME THING you charge $300.00 a year for, walk away. It’s not going to happen. Save your credibility.
So, the day gets better…
I go to Rally’s, and if you have never had a Rallyburger, you are missing out on a level I just don’t know how to begin to describe. The only burger better than a Rally’s Double BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger is the Carl’s Jr. Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger, FYI. But I digress…
So I order a Rallyburger with no onions and cheese for Mamasan, I order the same for my eldest daughter, and I order a hot dog for my youngest, which incidentally she choked on, gagged, and subsequently vomited up and re-chewed then ate again. I guess recycling is in the blood. Anyhow, I get to the window and all appears normal. Order paid for, bag of delicious steaming goodness received. All is well with the world….or is it?
It’s only after 2 minutes of driving down the Dixie Highway that my wife informs me that only one burger has cheese. WHAT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IS THE PROBLEM? I mean, I manage over 50 people in 5 countries. I run the sales and marketing for an entire division of a big recycling company. If you ask me for the EPA’s RCRA laws as it applies to you, I can tell you. If I can do this, WHY CAN’T A COUPLE OF DIRTY DISHRAG BITCHES NOT ADD CHEESE TO TWO HAMBURGERS? I mean, I just asked the bitch 2 minutes ago! Did she forget? I was the only person in line, and I was there for a good 5 minutes, and nobody else was there. It was just me, and my family, and them and the crickets chirping from boredom. WTF? Is it really that much of an engineering feat to fucking load a slab of cheese on a God damned hamburger? Seriously?
There should definately be an IQ test for people to work in fast food, because it is truly a job where if you accidentally forget to wash your hands after dumping the rat traps, you could mess someone up really badly. That, and people like me who are armed to the teeth may have just had enough and start blowing shit up before doing themselves on National TV when you get the order wrong…again. Well, not me, but someone like me.
So, to top off my craptastic day, I go to one of my usual online haunts, after the girls are in bed and Mamasan is on the elliptical machine keeping her sexiness level at well above 10. At this particular site, you can upload images of things and they have a random user “moderate” to make sure that the file isn’t bad, the image is of reasonable quality, and all that jazz. Well, I uploaded an image of the unpunched contents of the game “Myth: Pantheons” that I reviewed yesterday. Wouldn’t you know it…the cocksucker declined the image. Now note that this is the only image on the fucking internet that shows the box contents. Anywhere. So I posted something rather nasty:
…and then got a 5-day ban for posting it. I’m OK with the ban, that’s fine. I don’t really get how censoring your users who upload every single bit of content on your website is a good idea, but hey, whatever. Their site, their rules, that’s fine. Hell, maybe I even deserved it. What I DO NOT get is why those fucking morons think that it’s better to have NO IMAGE AT ALL of a game that many people will buy and likely want to see what they are buying, than to have a slightly blurry but wholeheartedly adequate photo. I mean, I can’t go back and un-punch it, so there is really no way for me to send another picture. One dirty cocksucker singlehandedly stopped hundreds of people from seeing what was inside a game box. Unless one of my peers uploads an inside-the-box set, nobody will see what’s inside until someone actually buys the game. In MAY. That’s just ridiculous.
Again, people are fucking retards. To quote James Caan in “Way of the Gun”:
“I promise you a day of reckoning that you won’t live long enough to never forget.”
Classic line. If only I was a homocidal maniac or mob bag man, I could use it. But, as it rests I’ll just vent, but the next time they get my order wrong I’ll drop that fucker open-faced on an employee’s windshield. There needs to be some justice in the world.
Have a great day, everyone! I will be reviewing a new game again tomorrow, so stay tuned!